Lothlorien, land of the fair- and treehouses
by SASHA4
Summary: The fellowship has wearily entered the boarders of Lothlorien, and come across the stream of Nimrodel
1. Default Chapter

NARRATOR: And so the weary travellers come to the ancient stream of Nimrodel, their hearts as heavy as the baggage they carry upon their backs…  
  
ARAGORN: I believe they already know that we've come to Nimrodel, and what's with the melodrama?  
  
NARRATOR: Firstly, I'm only reading what it says in the script, secondly, there was NO drama, and C, shut. up.  
  
ARAGORN: "Their hearts as heavy as the baggage upon their backs". Deep man, real deep.  
  
BOROMIR: Hello, is no- one going to point out that the man said C?  
  
NARRATOR: I do believe I already said shut up.  
  
GIMLI: Oh yeah, like that's going to work.  
  
NARRATOR: Look little man, we have quite a long way to go yet and already you're annoying me.  
  
*the hobbits band together in outrage in front of Gimli*  
  
SAM: So it's a fight against short people you're looking is it?  
  
NARRATOR: Before you try anything dear I'd like to remind you that I'm omnipresent and hence was there whilst you were "tending" Frodo's wounds at Rivendell.  
  
*Sam coughs and shuffles backwards, Frodo steps away from his young friend*  
  
NARRATOR: This isn't getting us anywhere, now unless you never want this chapter to end I suggest you all take my previous advice and SHUT UP!!  
  
LEGOLAS: By Elbereth that's not fair, I haven't got to say anything yet!  
  
ALL: STOP SAYING THAT!!!!!  
  
*In a new band of dislike against Legolas and his annoying-as-Mordoor catch phrase, the narrator and fellowship end their bickering and return to their scripts*  
  
NARRATOR: Yadda yadda……………..upon their backs. Legolas leads them across, and then halts on the other side to sing its ancient tale. 


	2. Moving on..........

*Legolas' chest swells as he stands, readying himself for this sacred song*  
  
LEGOLAS: "An elven maid there was of old……….  
  
BOROMIR: Let me get this straight, the guy is singing about a stream?  
  
LEGOLAS: Yes, it is an ancient and sacred song. And?  
  
BOROMIR: Well maybe lack of hairspray has the same affect as overdose.  
  
*group snickers, Legolas suddenly pounces on Boromir with a deranged glint in his eyes*  
  
LEGOLAS: Hairspray, HAIRSPRAY! GIMME HAIRSPRAY, NOW! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!  
  
*Aragorn pries the elf of Boromir, sets him on the bank and pats him on the back*  
  
ARAGORN: There there Legolas, its all right, calm down now.  
  
*pouting the elf stamps his foot and cries*  
  
LEGOLAS: Don't wanna calm down! I…..hiccup……….want……..sniffle………HAIR CARE PRODUCTS!  
  
ARAGORN: Please, be a big elf and stop crying, and then when we get to tree house country I'll buy you a manicure.  
  
LEGOLAS: Promise?  
  
ARAGORN: I give you my oath as King of Gondor.  
  
LEGOLAS: *sniffling* K.  
  
*the hobbits begin to snicker whilst Boromir looks on with a confused expression on his face*  
  
GIMLI: Cough…….gay………..cough.  
  
NARRATOR: Well ain't that the midget calling the munchkin short.  
  
GIMLI: And what in the name of Durin is that supposed to mean?  
  
NARRATOR: Two words little man, "braided beard".  
  
*Gimli turns red whilst the hobbits now giggle openly. Boromir's expression clouds over, and the faint sounds of cogs slowly beginning to creak forward can be heard coming from the direction of his head.  
  
BOROMIR: Oath as…….the King of Gondor………my country……..which would mean…………….WAIT A DARN ORC PICKING MINUTE! YOU ARE NOT MY KING!  
  
ARAGORN: Now is that anyway to thank me? Did I not just save you from the deranged elf?  
  
*a confused Boromir begins to stutter, and suddenly memories of mother's teachings returned to him*  
  
BOROMIR: Fine, but only because mummy always said be polite. Thank you.  
  
ARAGORN: Think not of it, one must do one's duty by one's subjects.  
  
BOROMIR: Huh?  
  
NARRATOR: Enough! Aragorn, stop teasing the mentally challenged. And let Frodo say something, he is the star after all.  
  
MERRY/PIPPIN(who can tell which): Where is Frodo anyway?  
  
*a bush rustles in the background, Sam comes hurrying out followed by Frodo*  
  
NARRATOR: May I take this opportunity to say ew?  
  
FRODO: No, no, Sam was just re- padding my bruises beneath the mithril, weren't you Sam?  
  
*Sam's gaze, before an expression of nothing short of pure ectasy, clouds over and begins to dart about the forest*  
  
SAM: Um, yes, that's it. I was re- padding bruises. Um hum. That's all. Nothing else. *grins* I haven't had that much fun since Rivendell. Cough……….padding. Ye-es.  
  
*everyone backs away, and then find themselves facing the bows of several elves, caught unaware.*  
  
LEGOLAS: Except me! I got my bow up!  
  
NARRATOR: Surprise surprise.  
  
*the bowman facing Legolas, named Haldir, lets out a sudden cry*  
  
HALDIR: Ew! What have you been doing you bad elf! Look at your nails! And I swear by Elbereth there are at least two strands of hair out of your braid!  
  
LEGOLAS: By Elbereth at last! Some of my own kind at last! I beg of you dear friend, I am Legolas, and I wish to find my way back to the path of primaddonna. Help me?  
  
HALDIR: By Elbereth fear not, for in the land of tree houses there are salons enough to make even the ugliest of supermodels look pretty. *glances at Aragorn* I dare say we could even clean up your rugged friend there, if we used the power hose. By Elbereth, speaking of the rugged you'll never gues who I saw…*whispers*….  
  
LEGOLAS: By Elbereth no!  
  
HALDIR: By Elbereth yes!  
  
LEGOLAS: By Elber……………*realises the group is readying to pounce on the two elves* What?  
  
NARRATOR: Leave the chit chat for the twixels, k girlies?  
  
Right, where's that bloody script, aah there it is, let's see, stream…….ambush…..ambush my arse……invitation to shelter……I suppose that would constitute…..right, here we are. And so the travellers began upon the path to the city of tree houses, I mean tree dwellings, to seek shelter and the counsel of Lady Galdriel and Lord Celeborn- not that he really matters because Galadriel just steals all his lines anyway. The way was long but not weary, for their spirits were now raised in this home of the fair elves. 


End file.
